Filed under: Consulting, Human Resources, Landrum Lagniappe, Notes from Jim | Tags: Co-existence, Collaboration, Communication, Compromise, Conflict, Cooperation, employees, General Tommy Franks, Mediation, relationships, resolution
posted by, Jim Guttmann, SPHR
We often see those involved in ongoing conflict on a personal and global level. It is all around us whether it is a couple going through a divorce, a schism in our own family, Democrats vs. Republicans, or Israelis and Palestinians. The list goes on and on. We have to wonder sometimes what went so wrong as to cause such strong and bitter feelings. We may be able to draw some insight from General Tommy Franks, who describes four fluid states of any given relationship whether it’s between individuals, families, organizations or nations. These states are: Collaboration, Cooperation, Co-existence and Conflict. In the business world, when we see conflict between employees, we often try to move the working relationships back toward levels of cooperation and collaboration. But how is this done? Well, let’s look at what often brings about conflict:
What typically takes place is that….
1. Expectations of one or more of the parties involved were not met
2. Someone overreacts which further compounds the problem
3. Communication breaks down
4. Lack of respect and trust is created
Does this scenario seem familiar to you? At the heart of the matter is that one or both parties may believe that they have been disrespected. Very often that is the underlying issue preventing a resolution from taking place. The actual issue at hand may only be a symptom of the underlying problem of disrespect and lack of trust.
To help resolve matters, a trained mediator can often help. The initial goal will be to properly manage the emotions associated with the conflict. Participants in mediation are required to treat each other with dignity and respect, even if the best that they can do initially is to “agree to disagree” in a respectful way. Next, the mediator will try to get the parties to identify their individual needs, interests and concerns. In order to find an opportunity for common ground and compromise, it is vital that the mediator move the parties off of their entrenched “positions” toward where their true “interests” lie. Only then can they see their conflict in a new and different light. As the parties truly listen to each other (sometimes perhaps for the first time), they can generate a variety of possibilities before deciding what to do. Where possible, the mediator may utilize objective criteria (e.g. does an industry standard apply) to help facilitate the process.
As the parties consider possible areas for compromise, a trained mediator will remind them that reaching a fair resolution benefits everyone in terms of avoiding further time, expense, and effort involved in the conflict. As the saying goes, this is the first day of the rest of your life. Only the individual can decide whether the investment in continued conflict over a particular issue is worth it. Would that time and effort be better spent in a more productive and fruitful endeavor? What certainty is there that the individual will get what he or she wants or any part of it? For many individuals, after some introspection they will admit that “moving on” is far better than being “stuck in the past” while harboring ill feelings and resentment.
In the end, true mediation is defined as the mediator empowering the parties to exercise self-determination. Negotiation is the cornerstone of mediation and it’s a fluid process – similar to a play in basketball. In the give and take of mediation, each party will likely feel that he/she was due more; that it wasn’t a perfect outcome. However, without a doubt, reaching a reasonable resolution is far better than continuing the ongoing battle. Just ask the Hatfields and McCoys.
As a Landrum Professional Human Resources Manager, Jim is certified as a Senior Professional in Human Resources (SPHR) and has over 20 years of HR generalist experience for a large government contractor and Fortune 500 Company. He holds a Masters in Business Administration from Florida State University and is an active member of the Greater Pensacola Chapter of the Society for Human Resources Management (GPCSHRM), previously serving as their Vice President of Information Services and Chairman of the Workplace Diversity Committee. Jim is also certified as a County Mediator and in the administration of the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).
